20mg-of-prozac happy

Sometimes I go through really low periods and I know it's time to get on some anti-depressants. Three times now I've hit a point where I could no longer get out of bed to complete basic tasks. Three times now I've been pulled out of a slump with 10mg of Prozac. It's a low dose, but a pretty normal starting point for youth. It helped. A lot. I had never thought I needed anymore than those 10mg. This summer, my doctor mentioned increasing my dose and out of curiosity I started on a daily routine of 20mg. I've started noticing the effects of the increase in drug over the past several weeks. People talk about anti-depressants getting you back to normal. I don't feel normal on 20mg. 20mg is like nothing I've ever felt before. My mom always says that when I was a kid I was her sunshine, always happy and always smiling. But then you turned thirteen, she says. I'd never really thought about it before but I guess I've probably been depressed since I was twelve or thirteen. I have journal entries from the eighth grade, that although uncomfortably juvenile at times, are also dark and emotional. The details aren't important but I think I missed out on some integral part of emotional development. It's not like I was never happy or didn't have friends, but I was always kind of different. I skimmed over most of the crushes and the junior high drama. Not because of a high moral code, I guess in a way I was just a little more disconnected. I didn't have feelings like other people had them.